Reviews

UPDATE: For movie and game reviews, check out the Kaffeenated blog!

Movie reviews and game reviews that'll help you make decisions about stuff. Or maybe not. Read 'em and see if you agree with them. If you don't, well what do reviewers know, anyway? If you do agree, see how insightful we are? Read on...

Movie Reviews

The Chronicles of Riddick
Did you see Pitch Black? We did, and the maiden voyage of anti-hero Riddick was excellent (if you haven't seen it, you should watch it before seeing Chronicles). As small, tense, and ultimately character-driven as that movie was - this one isn't. That's not to say it's bad, it just happens to be a huge, sweeping epic. Vin Diesel does a great job of making Riddick a character you hate to like, though he's missing some of the raw murderousness of Pitch Black. The story is, as far as we can tell, directly recycled from The Scorpion King (wonder who'd win in a fight between Diesel and the Rock?). The bad guy is pretty lame, and aside from being half-dead, is less-than-intimidating. The story moves at a good clip, the fight scenes beat WWF all to hell, and the special effects are nothing short of insane.

Recommendation: If you're looking for a movie to see with the guys - this is perfect. Otherwise, probably wait for video.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Having seen the first two Potter flicks and not read any of the books - this one stands out as very different from the established formula. Sure, it starts with the standard escape from the Dursley's, but moves very differently from there. Rather than a "quest" movie, as the previous two have been, this one definitely plays out as a set-up to future events. Yes, there is a big finale, but there is no completion. No great evil is defeated, no mystic item recovered, and things end very much as they began. With all that said, this is a great addition to the Potter series. There are some terrific new critters, cool spells, and all of the familiar stuff that you'd hope for. Of particular note is the very funny scene featuring the Boggert (sp?) - a shapeshifting monster that can be defeated by being made to look ridiculous. The cast is good as ever, and it's always great to see Gary Oldman (if you haven't ever seen The Professional, stop reading this and go rent it... seriously, now!).

Recommendation: We'll give this one a big exceedus expectorus (really good) - and hope that you'll go see it.

Shrek 2
How do you approach a sequel? Especially when it's a follow-up to a movie that was as successful (and funny) as Shrek? Well, you add a bunch of new characters, riff on the same old theme, and work in parodies of just about every hit movie that's come out in the past few years. If you'd asked me, I wouldn't have guessed they could work in the "ring falling" shot from LOTR - but they did. The best reason to see this movie is Puss in Boots - who more or less steals every scene he is in. But other reasons abound, not the least of which is an hysterical discussion of Pinocchio's underwear! If you haven't seen it yet, make sure you stay for the end credits - well worth the extra few minutes.

Recommendation: Great movie, thumbs and other fingers way, way up.

Paycheck
Stupid? Lame? Pointless waste of time and money? Why, yes, all of these would be accurate descriptions of the movie Paycheck. Ben Affleck is, at his best, tepid as the action lead of this flick (a reverse engineer, of all things). They somehow managed to make Uma Thurman look bland. The story might have been good - good guy battling it out with bad guys while trying to piece together a series of random items he has sent to himself. It's not good though. It sucks. The best reason we can think of to name this movie Paycheck is that it must have been the motivation of everyone involved (John Woo, how could you?).

Recommendation: Lame, lame, super-lame. You're better off watching C-SPAN.

Van Helsing
To call this movie anything short of friggin' sweet would be a travesty. That said, we're going to go ahead and say this movie is friggin' sweet! Wanna know why? You've got three of the great movie monsters (plus Mr. Hyde in what amounts to a cameo battle scene) all beautifully imagined and created on-screen. Can we just say how much the wolfman rocks? The fluid motions the effects folks created for this movie are fantastic! The story will, of course, be familiar but there are few nice twists that keep it fresh. The scenery, both realistic and CGI, is gorgeous. Frankenstein's machine takes on new character, even after all these years and countless iterations. Best of all is the pace this film sets from the word go. We can honestly say there is not a single moment which drags (unlike, say, The League of Really Slow Gentlemen). The best comparison we can draw would be to Raiders of the Lost Ark - but with monsters and some really sweet weapons. And lastly, there is the final fight scene. We don't want to ruin the events leading up to it, so let's just say - so very, very cool. Really. It's cool.

Recommendation: You really must go see this movie. Even if it means pulling the cushions off the couch to scrounge for change. This movie rocks!

Open Range
Not as good as "Unforgiven" but that's a tall order. You may recognize this familiar story of cowboys running from their pasts, only to crash into an equally distasteful present. Well, if you like that story (like we do) then "Open Range" offers a pretty good ride. The pace of the first hour or so is pretty slow - which is not unexpected from Kevin Costner. But the inevitable gunfight is pretty sweet. Michael Jeter turned in a great little performance in this one as Percy, the stable owner. Annette Bening is kind of annoying as the too-nice spinster, and the "romance" between her and Costner is pointless.

Recommendation: If you've got 2+ hours without anything else to do, this one is absolutely worth a rent.

Lost in Translation
So, there are no gophers and no explosions? Then what's the point of seeing a Bill Murray flick? Well, we'll tell ya. There's not as much of a point as you might think from all the press this one has generated. As far as mid-life crisis meets fish out of water stories go, this movie is pretty entertaining. There's a sweet glimpse into the nightlife in Tokyo, a rather disturbing look at a crumbling relationship, and the performances turned in by Murray and Johansson are damn good. But the story just isn't that compelling. There's no way, in our opinion, the script should've won an Oscar (sorry Sofia).

Recommendation: Worth seeing if you're in the mood for something serious, yet quirky.

Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life
If you liked the first Tomb Raider, well, you should probably broaden your taste in movies. But, this one was pretty cool. The story is mostly a re-hash of some of the better ideas from the various Indiana Jones and Mummy franchises (no pygmy mummies, but close!), but the Laura Croft spin makes them fun. The best news? No more of the idiotic "oh father, where art thou" crap from the first installment. We'll bet you can guess the ending about 10 minutes in, but you won't mind waiting to see if you were right.

Recommendation: If everything else is rented, this one is worth picking up.

Bubba Ho-tep
Bubba Ho-tep is as original as I have seen on screen lately. Basically, Bruce Campbell plays Elvis who, due to a strange swap he did with an impersonator 20 years ago, is busy ranting and despairing in a convalescent home. After strange happenings begin to grab his attention, the king begins to try and solve a Scooby-doo like mystery plaguing the folks at his East Texas rest home. While it seems obvious that the screenplay was adapted from a short story (by Joe Lansdale), the story moves along at a fairly moderate pace. Like all movies that take place in rest homes, there are some dragging moments but that is usually where Bruce’s talents ring true. The director, Don Coscarelli (who you may know from the ‘Phantasm’ series as well as the round-the-clock on Cinemax ‘Beastmaster’ movie back in the early 80’s) uses Bruce’s caricature style of acting to bring some of the dead moments up to life.
The one main problem I have with the flick is that it’s hard to tell if it is Bruce Campbell playing in the movie or the movie playing around Bruce. Now, to give credit where credit is due, I have to give kudos for the writing and casting of Ossie Davis as Jack Kennedy. As the name implies, Ossie is (or at least thinks he is) John F. Kennedy and the writing for his part is great. Ossie pulls of the role with great fanfare and I find myself wondering why I have not been a bigger fan of his over the years.
Overall, the movie is fun and I would recommend it to most people. You would probably know well in advance if this movie is not for you (old people, mummy’s, Bruce Campbell, etc) and even the most glowing review would not change that. Bubba Ho-tep deserves praise for it’s writing, casting and, at moments, acting. I just hope there are no sequels! Evil Dead already has a franchise and its hero.

Recommendation: See it in the theatre if you're a Bruce Campbell fan. For everyone else, worth a rent

The Underworld
What is it about full-length vinyl coats that is so cool? Well, whatever it is, it's the least of the coolness in this movie! If you like vampire movies, or you like werewolf movies, you'll like this movie. We're not sure why everyone keeps saying it's a retelling of Romeo and Juliet. Beyond the blood feud thing, it bears little resemblance. It could just as well be the Hatfields and McCoy's, if that's as deep as you're looking. Anyway, it's super-duper cool! Great story with plot twists coming right up to the end. The action isn't quite non-stop, but it's nicely choreographed and looks awesome (who taught werewolves to run along walls?). Like we said already, if you're a fan of vamps or werewolves, you'll love this movie - we did!

Recommendation: Definitely see it in the theatre

The Core
So, rather than an apocalypse falling from the sky in the form of aliens or giant asteroids - this one starts in the middle and works it's way out. Hence the whole "core" thing. But we have to admit, for an apocalypse movie, this one is pretty good. The premise is a bit shaky, but it's a sci-fi movie so who cares? The cast is awesome to watch, the effects are very cool, and Stanley Tucci is worth the rental fee by himself. They manage to get a nice little homage to Hitchcock in there, and the opening scene is nicely disturbing.

Recommendation: Worth a rent

Game Reviews

Burnout 3: Takedown
This is the first game we've played in the Burnout series - and we're very happy about that. The first two games were probably great, but this one is insane! If you're a stickler for true-to-life handling and physics, this probably isn't the game for you. But if you're looking for a sweet driving game with tons of variety in the gameplay, ridiculous eye-candy graphics, and that awesome sensation of speed that you only seem to get from certain titles... well, if you haven't guessed - this is the game for you. Our favorites were the crash events and the simply fantastic Road Rage events. There ain't much better than coming home after a long day and road ragin' for a while - very cathartic. The soundtrack also merits mention, as it fits perfectly with the feel of the game overall.

Recommendation: We say buy it! With the number of tracks, events, and cars available it will be a long time before this one gets old.

Spider-man 2
Spider-man was a pretty cool game. Seriously, who didn't think it was neat to go crawling around on walls and swinging from webs (or spinning webs, any size, for those who remember the old theme song). Sure, the gameplay was linear and there were some quirks, but all-in-all a very solid game. It appears that Spider-man 2 tries to solve any issues from the first game... and doesn't. While the game tries to be less linear by introducing side quests, races, and assorted other distractions - the game is still linear. The controls are now completely screwed up and difficult to get in to. While it's more realistic to have Spidey web sling from actual buildings, it makes movement problematic, and less exhilerating than the original. The only improvement in this iteration is combat, which is much improved and makes Spidey out to be more of a super-hero than the previous game.

Recommendation: This one is worth a rent, just to see if you think we're right. We don't recommend buying, though.

Shrek 2
We like the movie, we like the game, but... there's always a but, isn't there? The game is fun and entertaining. However, it features voice actors who are occasionally lame - the stars did not lend their talents to the game, it seems. The plot of the game follows the general plot of the movie, though there is much added to the game that is not in the flick. In general, it's very easy. There are no particularly difficult battles or puzzles (though it took us a few tries to defeat Puss in Boots). But, it's a lot of fun, and gives you a chance to play all of your favorite characters from the movie. Younger gamers in particular will enjoy it, as it has lots of fart jokes. Well, truth be told, older gamers may appreciate those just as much...

Recommendation: A one-thumb salute for this engaging, if not challenging, game. Worth a rent for older players, a purchase for younger.

Ratchet & Clank 2: Going Commando
Everything that made the first game so cool is back and there's even more of it! A plethora of weapons, gadgets, and baddies makes for a rocking cool game. This story picks up shortly after the first game leaves off, but takes place in a separate galaxy where Megacorp, rather than Gadgetron, is the big company. The new weapons, and particularly the ability to evolve weapons through use, is awesome. Combine that with the fact that your Nanotech increases with experience, add in the sweet additional challenges like hoverbike races, ship-to-ship combat, and the funky moon battles and this game is even better than the first!

Recommendation: As many thumbs as we got - are way, way up! We love this game!

Final Fantasy X
For anyone out there who missed this game on PS2 - go buy it. Now. Stop reading, go buy it. It's on super sale somewhere near you, and you must have it. This game comes closer to being an interactive film than anything we've ever seen. We're not done with it yet, but the graphics are phenomenal, the sound is fantastic and the story is wicked confusing. All good! The random battles get a little annoying sometimes, but the combat system is easy to grasp. The whole grid advancement thing is a little weird, but it adds a nifty new device to an old genre.

Recommendation: Go, buy it now